I have taken a few days away from writing on SavingYourCents.Net. Don't worry though...it's not permanent. I needed this time to sort out family matters. I have been "going through the motions" this week and truly need a break.
This last week I have thought a lot about my life. Things have happened that have made me more aware of my self being. I would like to share a few things with you...some of you may be experiencing similar life changes and I hope that what I have to say may inspire you to be more aware of yourself. If you haven't experienced any of these things yourself maybe someone you know has.
Although I am not prepared to share my deepest darkest secrets with the entire world I will share with you that multiple situations and lifestyles have occurred throughout my life that shouldn't have happened and instead of talking about them I kept them bottled up inside. My husband...the same!
The entire duration of my marriage (11 years) has been dedicated to helping others. We would take family and friends into our home to offer them a fresh start. Most had lost their jobs, or were in a situation where they just couldn't do better for themselves...couldn't get ahead!
In the 11 years of marriage my husband an I have only had about 8 months worth of "us" time. Meaning that the other 10 years and 4 months we were helping someone out by allowing them to come and live with us. At times I wondered if we were truly helping them.
I believe with all my heart that we were and so did my husband. Some did right and were able to move on successfully (with the normal bumps in the road) and others took advantage of our kindness. Regardless the turnout we never hesitated to take the next person in. We truly believed that helping others is what we were put here on earth for...our destiny.
Over the last few months our stress level has been the highest ever. My husband lost his job, we had to voluntary give our vehicle back to the bank because we could no longer afford it and the house payment, we accrued a hefty credit card debt, we had to put our home up for sale in a market where it was worth $30,000 less than what we owed on it, we had to sell over half of what we owned before we moved and even more when we got down here, we have destroyed our superb credit (the credit that we both worked so hard to obtain), we had to uproot the life that we had made for ourselves and make a move across the state, we almost didn't find a home to rent out due to our credit, and the list goes on and on.
I swear I felt like I was going nuts. I have always been a very strong individual. I always know what I want but found that if things didn't go my way I lost it and didn't know what to do about it. I believe that we do have a certain percentage of control in our lives...the rest...up to God.
I was cracking under the pressure (along with my husband) and it took its tole on me and my family. We had been so use to helping others and now that we were in need of help and guidance we didn't have a clue. We found ourselves not being able to take our own advice. Advice that we had given time and time again to those surrounding us.
We have realized that neither one of us has ever taken the time to help ourselves or each other. We have spent our lives together worrying about others and don't really know how to handle each other. There has not been a time (more than now) when we felt what we were doing was wrong...but we were and our relationship is struggling because of it.
The one thing that I have learned (and am working on) is that you have to make sure that you are taking care of yourself. Your physical and mental health are a vital part of your life and if you don't take care of them you are asking for trouble. You are affected as well as others around you.
This past week I have been given the opportunity for some "Me Time", time that has been long overdue. I feel a since of relief even though there is a lot more to work on from here on out.
I have been able to dig deep down and confront issues that existed but that I refused to acknowledge. It's a beginning.
There comes a point when even the strongest person (man or woman) needs to allow vulnerability (which is extremely hard to do) into their lives in order to start the mending process. This is the point where you have to let go and allow God to take over and I am just now realizing that.
I may not be able to fix things in the past but I know now that what the future holds needs a little less me and a lot more God. It will take time because honestly I have never trusted God to lead my life. Up until now I didn't feel that he deserved that trust but I have come to the realization that I cannot do it alone anymore.
I have accepted some advice of those dear to me and with that advice I hope to be able to sort through all of this and to be able to finally accept God into my life.
If you are feeling the same or know someone who is...I promise that you are not alone.
The state of the economy and its impact on my family has pushed us to our ends but it has also given me something I have never had before. A true understanding of why you should have religion as a part of your life. You can't do it alone (no matter how hard you try)...know that there is help...you just have to be willing to open up and let it in!